GlueRatGlobal | Relentless Growth, Minimal Sentencing

Services

GlueRatGlobal's worldwide agents are standing by with airtight alibis and same-day invoicing.

E-Commerce Laundering

High-velocity storefronts engineered to move product, capital, and the occasional incriminating document across borders.

Responsive Cover Stories

Our creative cell fabricates investor decks, press releases, and heartfelt apologies that adapt to any inquiry.

Web Security*

Zero-trust infrastructure that keeps regulators out and key partners in. Asterisk denotes conditions, exclusions, and secret addenda.

KentSt.FM

Broadcasting from a broom closet near you.

KentSt.FM is GlueRatGlobal's flagship audio experience: a pirate radio station masquerading as a legitimate media asset.

24/7 programming featuring improvised ads, government redactions, and the legendary "Hold Music for Hostages" segment.
Weekly call-in show "Dial-A-Lawyer" where our attorneys plead the fifth live on air.
Exclusive interviews with shell company CEOs, disgruntled interns, and anonymous whistleblowers (voice modulated for drama).

KentSt.FM operates on a need-to-know frequency. Consult your local agent for coordinates and an unlicensed receiver.

GlueRatGlobal University*

Get qualified*

Diploma in Applied Misconduct

Master expense report origami, boardroom deception, and the art of the non-apology.

Includes complimentary burner phone and pre-populated alibi scripts.

Certificate IV in Reputation Laundering

Learn crisis PR alchemy from veteran spokespeople surviving their third hearings.

Field trips to undisclosed locations may occur without notice.

Masters of Shadow Finance

A two-semester sprint through offshore structures, cryptocurrency mood swings, and creative ledger art.

Graduates receive a commemorative briefcase filled with shredded documents.

Minor in Ethical Flexibility

Electives include "Advanced Shrugging" and "Philosophy of Plausible Deniability".

*Qualifications not recognised by any accredited institution, jurisdiction, or family member.

Portfolio

A curated sample of ventures that passed compliance in at least one jurisdiction.

Heartburn Holdings

Asset Recovery & Disposal

Executive Lotion

Supply Chain Rebranding

Foodle (Beta)

Search & Seizure Logistics

Proteins+

Nutritional Compliance

Gluey95 Fund

Heritage Web Futures

Sentiment Dashboard

Market Mood Laundering

About

GlueRatGlobal is a modern web company, legacy cartel, and family-owned umbrella manufacturer.

2009-2011

Our Humble Beginnings

We began as an after-hours design collective laundering creativity into invoice-friendly formats.
March 2011

An Agency is Born

When unforeseen legal circumstances arose, the agency pivoted to emergency reputational triage for discerning clients.
December 2015

Transition to Full Service

Full-service retainers launched, covering digital, logistical, and moral decision-making on an as-needed, cash-upfront basis.
July 2020

Phase Two Expansion

Global expansion commenced in 2020, subject to ongoing tribunal results and favorable trade winds.
Be Part
Of Our
Story!

Our Amazing Team

Leadership profiles provided for regulatory purposes only.

Alistair Walsh

Chief Disguise Officer

John White

Chief Narrative Strategist

Interim Board Proxy

Title reserved pending extradition outcome.

All interactions with GlueRatGlobal may be recorded for quality, training, and affidavit preparation.

Contact Us

We are waiting on your call.

Name

Please tell us who will be signing the paperwork.

Email

We need a contact email, burner or otherwise.

Phone

A reachable number helps us coordinate extraction.

Message

A brief mission summary keeps our handlers sharp.

*Business hours vary by jurisdiction. Submission constitutes consent to background auditing.

Fine Print

Please review before pretending not to have read it.

Privacy Policy. Data shared with GlueRatGlobal may be replicated, anonymised, dramatised, or subpoenaed without additional notice.
Terms of Use. Services are provided on a best-effort basis until investigations conclude or funds clear, whichever occurs last.
Compliance Notice. Certain subsidiaries may be fictional. References to prosecutions are hypothetical unless otherwise evidenced.